So, today in art....Student:  Let me see your driver's license?  Me:  Ok.  Student:  You look like Michelle.  Me:  Michelle who?  Student:  Michelle from Full House.

So, today in art...Me:  Well, the best thing about hearing you guys trying to insult each other is that you suck at it.  Students:  Yeah, we should just probably be nice to each other.

So, today in art...Student 1:  When you wear red and walk into a room people shout Kool-Aid.  Student 2:  Well, when you were brown people think that you are an African American.  Me:  I don't know how to take that one.  I mean, I am not sure if it’s racist or what?!?!   I am just confused.  Student 2: No offense.

So, today in art...Student 1:  Your teeth are so yellow they look like the corn we had for lunch.  Me:  Wow...you gonna let him talk to you like that?  Student 2:  Well your reflection is stupid.  Me Oohhhhhh!  He got you.  

So, today in art...Student 1 talking to student 2:  Obviously, you did not care about me or my glitter.

So, today in art...Student 1:  Mr. Smith, did you tell her to pass out those papers?  Me:  I did not.  Student 2:  I told myself.  Me:  Well, you better tell yourself to sit down and follow my directions.

So, today in art...Student:  What the F!  Me:  What?!?!?!?!? Student:  Nothing.

So, today in art...Me:  Where is the music teacher?  Student:  She went to go get a band.  Me:  A band?!!?  Student:  No, a can.  Me:  A can?!?!?  Student:  No a tan.  Me:  Well, she needs a tan.  Student: No.  (Student spells)  F....A.....N!!!!  Me:  Oh, a fan.

So, today in art...Kindergarten student:  Mr. Smith, is Justin Bieber in jail?  What does that have to do with art?!?!  Color those shapes and cut them out.

So, today in art (well, last night at the Kanki)...Parent: Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith!!!! That's all I hear from my child everyday. Mr. Smith did this, Mr. Smith said that...Mr. Smith Mr. Smith Mr. Smith. My child loves you!

So, today in art...Student:  You're awesome!!!  Me:  You're awesomer!!!!!!!!!!  Is that a word?  Never mind.

So, today in art...Student:  You know Mr. Smith, one day a dog really ate my homework.

So, today in art...Student:  Mr. Smith?  Are cheetahs scared of winos?  Me:  I 'm gonna say no.  Student:  But why?  Me:  Well, what is a wino gonna do to a cheetah.  A cheetah is a big cat, fast, and has all those teeth.  A wino will not be able to run from the cheetah without falling down...I mean its a wino.  I mean what is the wino gonna do, hit the cheetah with his bottle. Bhahahahahahah.  You guys ask some of the strangest questions.  Student:  No Mr. Smith...a wino with a horn.  Me:  Oh, a rhino.  Then yes, a cheetah  maybe scared of a rhino.

So, today in art...Student:  Mr. Smith.  I don't like sh@#$y cats.  Me:  What?!?!?!?  Student:  You know...cats that shed all the time over everything.  Me:  Oh, sheddy cats. 

So, today in art...Student:  Mr. Smith?  When you die I will be at your funeral throwing egg rolls on your casket has it goes down into the ground instead of roses.  Me:  Why?  Student:  Because I know how much you love egg rolls.  Me:  But why do I have to be dead in this scenario?  Well, it wouldn't make sense if I was just throwing  egg rolls at you while you are alive.  Anyway...I will throw hundreds, no thousands and I will be happy.  Me:  Why would you be happy at my funeral?  Students:  Because I know you would be in heaven eating all those egg rolls.  Me:  But still, why do I have to be dead?  Student:  I don't mean like any time soon...I mean like when I am 80 years old and you are like 1000 years old.  Me:  How old do you think I am?  You know what???  Never mind.

So, today in art...Somehow, while watching Our Friend Martin, I explained to a bunch of 1st graders the theory of time travel and multiple realities and I think they actually understood me.

So, today in art....Student: You can call me old fashion Mr. Smith. Me: You're 10. Student: I know but I like those wooden pencils. I don't like those mechanical ones. Me: You're 10.

So, today in art...Student 1:  Mr. Smith...I need to go to the bathroom. Me:  Go. Student 2:  Mr. Smith I need to go home.  Me:  Why?  Student 2:  To feed my dog.  Me:  I thought you told me your dog died.  Student 2:  That does not mean he does not eat.  Me:  Ummmm....that is exactly what that means.

So, today in art....Student:  Why did he get to move?  Me: Cause I told him he could.  Student:  Then why can't I.   Me:  Cause I told you no.

So, today in art....Me:  Why are you yelling?  Student 1:  I AM NOT YELLING, I JUST TALK LOUD!  Me:  OMG!!  If you were one of the X-Men you would be the Banshee, the guy whose mutant power is to yell all the time.  Student 2:  Who would I be Mr. Smith?  Me:  You would be Gravity, cause you are always falling down, proving the theory of gravity is true.

So, today in art...Student:  Mr. Smith, I feel like I am about to throw up.  Me:  Then back up!!!

So, today in art:  Written on a student's paper "God is good, no mader what!

So, today in art....Student:  Look at my picture.  Santa is to fat to open the door.  He has to use his belly...Bhahahahahahha.

So, today in art...Student:  Your work is ugly.  I am not being mean, I being honest.

So, today in art....Me:  Boys and girls stop licking my tables!!!!

So, today in art....Me:  I know they did not have cars at the first Thanksgiving!  You know what?  Never mind...your right.  That is a fact.  My bad.

So, today in art....Student:  so what you’re telling me is the Indians are real?