So, today in art...Wolverine: This cutting edge art makes me want to Scream!! 

So, today in art...Student:  Ummmmm...Mr. Smith, where are your flip flops?  Me:  I rode my bike today so I had to wear shoes.  Student:  You're suppose to wear them everyday.  I can't even look at you.  Me:  Did she just turn her back on me?

So, today in art...Me:  No, no , no, no, no,noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....you are not singing drunk in love in this class!!!!!!!

So, today in art...Student: I am 7. Student 2: No you ain't. You 5. Student 1: You can't be 5 in the 1st grade. Student 2. Well you are. Student 1: No. You are. Student 2: No. I am 7. You better recognize son. Me: I'm weak.

So, today in art (well, morning duty)...Parent: I love you...pull your pants!!!!

So, today in art...Me: What happened to your arm? Student: I broke it. Me: How? Student: On the playground. Me: School is dangerous!!!

So, today in art...Student: Knock, knock? Me: Who's there? Student: Me.

So, today in art...Me: Why do kids keep trying to vomit on me. Come on kids. At least let me know, run to the bathroom, or at least aim for the trash can.

So, today in art...Me: Can you stop rubbing those crayons on your face...please?

So, today in art....Me: So are you going to do the run with us. Teacher: If I do there better be paramedics there. Me: I am sure there will be. Teacher: No...I mean they have to be right beside me cause I will die. Me: You will not die. Teacher: But what if I do? Me: Then the next race I do will be in your honor. Both: Bhahahahahahahhahahahah!!!!!!

So, today in art...Student 1: Mr. Smith, what if we... Me: I don't do what ifs. Student 2: But what if.... Me: I don't do what ifs. I am not psychic. I can not tell the future. Let's get to that point and we will figure it out then. Student 3: But what if.. Me: I said I don't do what ifs!!!! Student 3: That's cold Mr. Smith.

So, today in art....Student 1: Mr. Smith!!! Mr. Smith!!! Me: That's now how that works. Student 1: Mr. Smith!!! Mr. Smith?!?!?!?!? Me: That's not how that works. Student 1: Then how does that work? Student 2: Raise your hand. Student 1: Oh.

So, today in art...Student: Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith?!?!? Me: Hey, hey, hey!!! Don't you see me dancing and singing with Ms. Richardson?

So, today in art....Teacher:  So this kid asked if she could go to the bathroom because she was not feeling well.  While she was gone the student beside her told me she ate a red crayon.  Me:  Bhahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!  I don't think people really understand what we go through.  

So, today in art...Me:  OMG!!!!!!  The light turns on and it shuts off when your pencil is sharpened, which is great.  Kids will stand at the pencil sharpener for 2 hours if you don't say anything to them.

So, today in art....Student 1:  Remember that song from Frozen..love is an open door?  Student 2:  Yes.  Student 1:  Well he wasn't gonna say sandwiches.  He was gonna say sentences.  Student 2:  He's such a liar.  Student 1:  I know right.  He only wanted to take their kingdom.  Student 2:  Yeah.  And sentences make so much more sense than sandwiches.  I'm not eating after anyone.  Student 1:  I know, right.

So, today in art....Student:  I saw Megatron in my room last night.  Me:  What was he doing there.  Student:  I don't know.  He got scared and ran out when I saw him.

So, today in art....Student 1:  I like Ghostbusters Mr. Smith.  Me:  So does Bernie.  Students:  Who is Bernie?  Me:  The guy wearing the shirt.  Students:  But he is not real.  He does not have a head, or arms or body.  Me:  Don't judge Bernie boys and girls.  Just because he is different does not make him less a person.  We are all different and special  and deserve respect and kindness.  Right?  Students:  Right!!!!!  Yeah Bernie!!!

So, today in art....Parent:  We are late again.  Again!  Why we late again?  Why we late all the time?  Me(thinking):  I gonna have to say its your fault considering your kids are kids.

So, today in art....Parent:  We are late again.  Again!  Why we late again?  Why we late all the time?  Me(thinking):  I gonna have to say its your fault considering your kids are kids.

I would like to dedicate So, today in art to Jennifer McCormack today. I remember all of us sitting up late at LaToya Winslow's home and all of us falling out laughing at my adventures in teaching before it had a name. You will truly be missed my friend.

So, today in art (Well, Walmart)...Me (Thinking) Is that lady following me? She looks like she is following me. Do I know her? I don't recognize her. Maybe she is not following me. I'm gonna walk over 2 more isles and see what happens. Oh...she is following me. She's speeding up. Oh...she is walking up fast. Lady: Mr. Smith? Me: Yes. Lady: Sorry I was following you but my son is going to be in your Art Club and I wanted to make sure I was getting the correct items off your list. Me: No problem.

So, today in art (Safety Patrol Edition)...Me: What has 2 thumbs and got caught being good in the hall today? This guy!!! (And yes...I am pointing at myself with my thumbs!)

So, today in art (Safety Patrol Edition)...Safety Patrol 1: Mr. Smith, they think I'm mean. Safety Patrol 2 and 3: You do be getting on those kids. Safety Patrol 1: I have to be mean to keep these kids right. Right Mr. Smith? Me: Right!!! Don't feel bad, they call me mean too.

So, today in art (Safety Patrol Edition)...Safety Patrols: You can't let these kids walk all over you Mr. Smith. Give em an inch and they will take a mile.

So, today in art (Safety Patrol Edition)...Me: So you must be the cool kids. Safety Patrols: No. No. Not really. Me: Well...I think you are the coolest kids in school!!! Safety Patrols: Wow. Thanks. Yeah, thanks Mr. Smith. Me: No prob. Besides, I'm the most popular kid in this school and your hanging with me, so that makes you cool!!!

So, today in art...Me: Whose weave is this? Who lost some weave? Tanya Arrington, are you hiding in my classroom? Student: No, its mine. Me: I didn't see you come with it. Student: It was in my pocket. Me: That's not how weave works.

So, today in art...Student 1(whispering): Hey. Student 2(whispering): Don't talk to me. He can hear us. Student 1(whispering): He can't hear us. Me (whispering): Yes I can.

So, today in art (Super Moon Edition)...Students: Could you do the robot today? Me: You guys have tired me out today. Maybe tomorrow.

So, today in art (Super Moon Edition)...Students: Mr. Smith. Are you giving out any prizes today? Me: HA! Students: So, no.

So, today in art (Super Moon Edition)...Me: Why are you covered in glitter? Student: I don't know what you are talking about. Me: There is so much glitter on your face that I can only see your eyes.

So, today in art (Super Moon Edition)...Me:  Did that kid just growl at me?  Students:  Yeah...he does that sometimes.

So, today in art....WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!!!! IT IS A FULL MOON!!!! NOT JUST A REGULAR FULL MOON BUT A SUPER MOON. TEACHERS...WATCH YOUR BACK AND SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN!!!

So, today in art....WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!!!! IT IS A FULL MOON!!!! NOT JUST A REGULAR FULL MOON BUT A SUPER MOON. TEACHERS...WATCH YOUR BACK AND SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN!!!

So, today in art...Student: You know she is a black belt. Me: I know. Haven't you noticed how nice I am to her. But the rest of you need to get back to work!!

So, today in art...Student: She says you're in her karate class. Me: Yes...that is true. Student: She said you have already earned your white belt. Me: Not so much earned as it came with the outfit.

So, today in art...Student: Can I get another sheet of paper? Me: What happened to yours? Student: It got wet. Me: How? Student: I don't know. Me: What do you mean you don't know? Student: I don't know. Me: Were you near water? Student: I was at the water fountain. Me: So it got wet there? Student: I don't know. Can I have another one. Me: I don't know.

So, today in art...Me: "¿Cómo se dice yellow in español?" Student: Jello! Me: Lol...no. I think its amarillo. Student: Oh yes...yes. Me: "¿Cómo se dice blue in español?" Same student: Bluuuuuuuuue. Me: Just because you stretch the word out does not make it Spanish. Its azul. Repite por favor. Student: Azuuuuuuuulllllllllllllll. Me: Now you're just playing with me.

So, today in art...Me:  Sir, you can not use glue anymore.  Student:  Then what am I suppose to do.  Me:  Lick the paper and hope it holds.  The rest of the Class:  Bhahahah...Mr. Smith, you funny.  You are a funny funny man.  Lick it and make it stick.  Bhahahahahaha!

So, today in art...Me:  Ummm...ahhh...umm...little boy you  got me so mad I can't even speak correctly in fear of what may come out my mouth.  Just go sit down and come back in about 5 minutes....make it 10.  Student:  But class will be over by then.  Me:  That would be correct.  

So, today in art....Student: Can we use the colored pencils? Me: Are they crayons? Student: No. Me: There is your answer. Student: So can we use them? Me: What were my instruction? Student: To use crayons....so can we use these? Me: Uggghhhhh! Student: So no. Me: Yes. Student: We can? Me: No...I meant yes to your no. Student: What? Me: CRAYONS!!! Student: Oh...ok.

So, today in art....Student 1:  But I can see him.  Student 2:  I said invincible...he is the Invincible Iron Man, not invisible.  

So, today in art...(as I was running down the hall trying to make it to class on time) Me: Excuse me boys and girls. I'm trying to get to class. Student: Blahahagggahhahjjjkkeekk!!! (Just in case you're not a parent or a teacher that is the sound of projectile vomiting.) Me: Whoa!!! Bhahahahaha...lol. You almost got me! His teacher: LOL..he did almost get you. Me: Almost, but you have to be quicker than that. I'm a pro at dodging vomit. Why is it green? His teacher: I think its apple sauce. Me: Was it green? Teacher: It was blue. Me: Ewww.

So, today in art...Student: I like this class. That other lady was mean!!! Me: I'm mean too. You just have not seen it yet. Student: Oh no Mr. Smith. You're not mean at all. You're awesome. Me: Wait for it.

So, today in art...Students (singing): Let it go, let it go. And I'll rise like the break of dawn. Let it go, let it go. Me: Boys and Girls!!!! Hey hey hey. Students: What Mr. Smith? Here I stand in the light of day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let the storm rage on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: The cold never bothered me anyway!

Students: Play it again.

So, today in art...Student: Did Bernie change his shirt? Me: Yes. Student: Why and how? Me: Well...you change your clothes don't you? And I can't tell you all Bernie's secrets.